Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

All of us do have an instinctive idea of our emotional quotient (EQ), even if we don’t know that’s what it’s called! Your strengths and weaknesses in these and other areas will add up to an individual “psychostyle” which is called your Emotional Quotient, or emotional intelligence. 

Why You Need This Book
It introduces readers to the basic tenets of emotional intelligence and teaches them to look at themselves and other people with new eyes. 

It needs to be evaluated in terms of our self-awareness and our relationships with others.

Discover Your Emotional Psychostyle

Here’s a quick overview of the four emotional psychostyles. 

(Editor’s note: please refer to the book for the eight detailed tests which help determine emotional psychostyle.)

You love new trends and technological advances (you adore surfing the Net); you’re not too concerned with moral values, you hunger for sensation, excitement, new experiences and success. Your motto in life is ‘Every man for himself’.

You crave social success – money is a great motivator for you – but you want to stay free and independent. Whether you work in a multinational, as part of a small team, or as a freelance individual, you prefer to remain detached. You do a good, professional job but you don’t really get involved in your work or work for the joy of it. You are hedonistic, you want to make the most of everything life has to offer, through your interests, your friends or other venues. Outdoor pursuits take up a lot of your time. As far as you’re concerned, home is strictly for sleeping in.

You live an active life: you take short holiday breaks all year round and enjoy trips abroad. You have a strong need for new pleasures and ever-changing experiences.

You are generally opposed to change, and you have a somewhat withdrawn attitude to life. Traditional family values are important to you, and deep down you think a woman’s place is in the home. First and foremost, you look for a quiet life, well-organized if at all possible, and you hate having your routine disturbed.

You are cautious; you prefer safe bets to risks. You are highly organized both at work and in your leisure pursuits. You enjoy routine jobs and taking breaks with your family. You rarely travel long distances – it puts you in a bad mood. You have problems adapting to different ways of thinking, or changing your diet. Your traditions and principles are rock-solid and you tend to be quite single-minded. You reject everything ‘foreign’ quite systematically and at times aggressively. 

You loathe all-out show and ostentation, and excessive displays of success and wealth. When it comes to fashion or food, your tastes are simple. Change and novelty are what you crave and you are insatiably curious. You dream of doing something adventurous and escaping to foreign parts (sunbathing in Bali or trekking along the Grand Canyon). 

Your life is divided between your family and your career. You are very centered, almost a little too much so, on your family, their physical and emotional comfort, the children’s education and so on. You buy quality names. However, your desire to conform may also occasionally make you voice rather repressive moral views.

Everything – people, objects, ideas – must have been tried and tested before they can receive your seal of approval. You prefer traditional décor (with some modern fittings of course) and you enjoy home cooking. You enjoy a little sailing, the odd round of golf, browsing in museums and visiting places of interest. Apart from that, you like watching television, reading books (especially historical novels), doing a little practical DIY around the house and collecting antiques.

Your social life tends to revolve around the private clubs and associations you belong to.

Are You Hungry for Love?
If you are too hungry for love, it ends up putting people off. If you ask too much, people will avoid you.

If you are someone who’s hungry for love, the affection you crave has the same effect as food does for a bulimic person, or drugs for an addict. Of course, it’s natural to want to be loved. Everyone needs love, especially when things are going badly. Some people undoubtedly need it more than others, for example those who were deprived of affection – or, conversely, overindulged – in their childhood.

It is possible to avoid an unhealthy craving for love and affection by developing your own emotional intelligence, and improving your relationships with other people. If you suspect you are too hungry for love, you have to identify first of all, the ‘illness’, the form it takes. tally your responses, and then refer to the score panel and the assessments:

1. You constantly seek reassurance and approval from other people at work and in your private life.

2. You feel angry, ashamed or humiliated if someone criticizes you (even slightly).
3. You desperately want people to admire your appearance.

4. You would burst into tears if you heard that your best friend’s dog had died.

5. You often overestimate your abilities or the value of your achievements.

6. At parties, you don’t feel happy unless you are the center of attention.

7. You think that only exceptional people can really understand your problems.
8. You would not feel capable of organizing a solo holiday trip.

9. Your emotional reactions are not predictable.

10. If there’s a horrible job to be done at work or at home, you always volunteer to do it.
11. You often jump queues.

12. You fish for compliments a lot.

13. You feel devastated when a close relationship is broken off.

14. You don’t take it well when a friend cancels on you even if it is not her fault.
15. You frequently feel jealous or envious of your friends’ lives.

16. You are easily hurt by criticism from your partner.

17. You often wear miniskirts and figure-hugging tops to the office.

If your score so far shows that you ARE hungry for love, you will fall into one of three categories: histrionics, egocentrics, and ‘orphans’, who are afraid of being abandoned. 

The term histrionic derives from the Latin histrio, meaning a comedian, boaster, or even a cheat. When you deprived of love, you tend to become hysterical. You always trust people too quickly and too soon. You will fall under the spell of anyone with a strong personality. As a result, all your relationships are generally stormy and insincere.

Your problem is first of all that you are over-emotional, you suffer from overwhelming feelings. You are soon bored by routine (no challenge) and tenderness (no passion). 

Get a grip on your emotions. Good or bad, they are always excessive and this stops you from seeing people and events in a realistic light. You must learn moderation.

Play everything down. You won’t find love by behaving like a tease or an easy lay. Stop hugging every casual acquaintance as if he was the love of your life and don’t be tempted to wrap yourself all round a man just because he’s bought you lunch – even if it was delicious. 

If you are an Egocentric, when you are let down in love, you become terribly narcissistic. When people are acutely narcissistic, the real problem is that they are being passive. They behave as if they were objects (sexual or otherwise), desirable goods, rather than people. That’s why other people’s opinions assume such importance. Remember, it isn’t necessary in life to accomplish great things or achieve perfection. 

Don’t try to read into things all the time. Don’t imagine love or desire where there isn’t any.

Stop trying to look at yourself from other people’s point of view. You have always tended to center everything on how people regard you. 

You no longer have tastes, ideas, or preferences of your own. Clothes, work, home, holidays, you let other people decide on everything.

Sometimes it works out quite well, especially if your partner likes the same things as you do. Not so good, though, if he turns out to be mad about white-water rafting and your idea of heaven is an afternoon in a museum.

Stop volunteering for all the dirty work. Only in fairy tales are princes charming to Cinderellas. So bite your tongue before offering your services. 

Learn to manage your time for yourself. 

Train yourself to do things on your own (even if you are in a relationship). 

Final Words
Understanding and developing your emotional intelligence – and learning to understand and view other people similarly as well – will be the key to success in both your professional and personal life.

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