Self-Help Book Summaries

Dealing With Job Stress Without Stuffing Yourself

2010-06-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

Instead of giving in to the siren call of the vending machine, you need to have better ways to cope at your disposal. Here’s how:

1. Give yourself a time-out. Most cravings last about ten minutes. Keep items like Hershey’s kisses around for such emergencies; eating a few won’t harm your diet, since they have only 25 calories apiece.

2. Map out your meals. Before stress gets to you, make sure you stick with a healthy high-carbohydrate, low-fat meal plan and eat three meals a day with two small snacks.

3. Exercise regularly. It can work wonders in relieving stress. Not only does it spark the release of pain-killing endorphins, but research also suggests that exercise can stimulate the release of serotonin and other mood-enhancing brain chemicals.

4. Stock your snack drawer with healthy choices. Good items to keep on hand include packages of low-fat microwave popcorn, small servings of pretzels or dried fruit, individual boxes of dry cereal, or cups of soup.

5. Develop your own stress busters. The key is to find what works for you – what helps you calm down and feel grounded – and to carve out at least 15 minutes a day for that activity.

6. Improve your coping skills. If you can’t do anything about the situation, try to come to terms with it the best you can or learn from the experience. This plan of action can help you cope better with difficult experiences.

7. Ask for help. If work-related stress sends your eating habits out of control and you can’t get them back on track yourself, it may be time to seek assistance.

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Imperfect Control

2010-05-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

In her wise and perceptive new book, Imperfect Control, she shows us how our sense of self and all our important relationships are colored by our struggles over control: over wanting it and taking it, loving it and fearing it, and figuring out when the time has come to surrender it.

Drawing on the work of biological and social scientists, psychoanalysts, and philosophers, and interweaving fiction and poetry and personal stories, including some of her own, Viorst compellingly argues that we are constantly dealing with issues of control: As children and parents. As lovers and workers. As victims and survivors. As moral-and-mortal-human beings.

While Viorst believes that the most of us want some degree of control over ourselves, over others, and over the events with which we’re involved, she never lets us forget that even the most committed controllers must accept that they have only imperfect control.

This book shows us how our lives can be shaped by our actions and our choices. It reminds us too that we should sometimes choose to let go. And encourages us to find our own best balance between power and surrender.

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The Six Adult Life Tasks

2010-04-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

Identity

Prior to entering the adult world it is well that the adolescent achieve a sense of what Erik Erikson titled Identity: a sense of one’s own self, a sense that one’s values, politics, passions, and taste in music are one’s own and not one’s parents. Only then can the young adult move on the next stage of life, Intimacy, and forge close reciprocal emotional bonds with a mate.

Intimacy

The task of living with another person in an interdependent, reciprocal, committed, and contented fashion for a decade or more often seems neither desirable nor possible to the young adult. Initially this task involves expanding one’s sense of self to include another person.

Career Consolidation

Mastery of this task involves expanding one’s personal identity to assume a social identity within the world of work. On a desert island one can have a hobby, but not a career; for careers involve other people. Individuals with severe personality disorder often manifest a lifelong inability to work.

Generativity

Mastery of the fourth task involves the demonstration of a clear capacity to unselfishly guide the next generation. It reflects the capacity to give the self – finally completed through mastery of the first three tasks of adult development – away.

Keeper of the Meaning

Mastery of this fifth task is epitomized by the role of the wise judge. Again, Erikson obliquely refers to the importance of this task, but in his writing he assigned parts of the task to Generativity and parts to Integrity.

Integrity

This is the last of life’s great tasks. Erikson described Integrity as “an experience which conveys some world order and spiritual sense. No matter how dearly paid for, it is the acceptance of one’s one and only life cycle as something that had to be and that, by necessity, permitted of no substitutions.”

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The Eight Vital Roles

2010-03-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

Builder. Builders are great motivators, always pushing you toward the finish line. They continually invest in your development and genuinely want you to succeed – even if it means they have to go out on a limb for you. Great builders will not compete with you. They figure out how their talents can complement yours. If you need a catalyst for your personal or professional growth, stay close to a Builder.

Champion. Champions stand up for you and what you believe in. They are the friends who sing your praises. Every day, this makes a difference in your life. When you succeed, they are proud of you, and they share it with others. Champions thrive on your accomplishments and happiness. When you need someone to promote your cause, look to a Champion.

Collaborator. A collaborator is a friend with similar interests – the basis for many great friendships. When you talk with a collaborator, you’re on familiar ground, and this can serve as the foundation for a lasting relationship. Looking for someone who can relate to your passions? Find a collaborator.

Companion. A companion is always there for you, whatever the circumstances. You share a bond that is virtually unbreakable. When something big happens in your life – good or bad – this is one of the first people you call. They are the friends for whom you might literally put your life on the line. If you are looking for a friendship that can last a lifetime, look no further than a Companion.

Connector. A connector is a bridge builder who helps you get what you want. When you need something – a job, a doctor, a friend, or a date – a Connector points you in the right direction. They seem to “know everyone.” If you need to get out more or simply want to widen your circle of friends or business associates, a Connector can help.

Energizer. Energizers are your “fun friends” who always give you a boost. You have more positive moments when you are with these friends. Energizers are quick to pick you up when you’re down – and can make a good day great. When you are around these friends, you smile a lot more. You are more likely to laugh in the presence of an Energizer. If you want to relax and have a good time or need to get out of a rut, call an Energizer.

Mind Openers. Mind openers are the friends who expand your horizons and encourage you to embrace new ideas, opportunities, cultures, and people. These friends broaden your perspective on life and make you a better person. If you need to challenge the conventional wisdom or shake up the status quo, spend a few hours talking with a Mind Opener.

Navigator. Navigators are the friends who give you advice and keep you headed in the right direction. You go to them when you need guidance, and they talk through the pros and cons with you until you find an answer. They are the ideal friends to share your goals and dreams with; when you do, you will continue to learn and grow. When you ask Navigators for direction, they help you reach your destination.

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Dealing With People You Can't Stand

2010-03-17T01:18:00.000-07:00

How to bring out the best in people at their worst!

It may be a boss who behaves like a bully and petty tyrant, and has the power to get away with it…

It may be a co-worker who promises results, but who never, ever delivers when the chips are down…

At best, when people act like this, they can make life exceedingly stressful and unpleasant. At worst, they can keep you from achieving important goals. The good news is that you don’t have to let them do either! Whether you know it or not, it’s fully within your power to bring out the best behaviour in people who are at their worst.

Sound impossible? It’s not. Just ask the 250,000 people who have already benefited from Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner’s proven, innovative seminars on dealing with difficult people with tact and skill. They have already learned, as you will when you study this one-of-a-kind guide, how to identify 10 recognizable difficult behaviors, and deal successfully with each of them!

This book will let you discover how difficult people think, what they fear, and why they act as they do.

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Integrating Your Baby Into Family Life

2010-02-10T05:32:00.000-08:00

Having a baby will inevitably bring changes to your life as a couple and your wider family life. When you have a baby, there are often things you will have to give up or change for a while.

However, it’s important to strike a balance so that the whole family doesn’t feel they have to drop everything to accommodate the new addition.

Many new parents find that they run their lives around their baby, often because they feel she needs twenty-four-hour attention. In the early days, many parents are unsure what their baby’s needs are, and can become pretty frazzled to sort out what they should do to make her happy.

Parents who are on the go constantly find that their baby becomes more fractious, they become more tense and family life in general suffers. In contrast, parents who are able to put their baby down in her pram or cot and make some time for themselves often find the demands of a new baby easier to cope with.

Having a flexible routine enables you to plan when your baby will sleep and feed, and gives you the freedom to fit time for yourself and the family into the day. Leaving your baby to settle himself rather than picking him up each time her cries will give you much more time and freedom.

A routine and structure helps your baby to feel more settled and secure, and he will learn to sleep better if he is given time to settle himself rather than being constantly picked up.

As parents, you won’t feel that every waking moment is spent attending to your baby, and you’ll have time to get on with your domestic routine and other commitments. Your baby has a right to be loved, nurtured, and cared for, but not to believe he will always be the centre of the universe.

Making sure that your baby has her sleep and feed at the right time will mean that there are times of the day when you cannot just drop everything and go out. This will pay off in the long run and you will be very pleased when you have a baby who generally sleeps and feeds when you want her to. Your baby will benefit from this too; it is a joy to see babies thriving and being happy and contented when they are into a good routine.

As your baby settles into family life, you will find that you have more time to give to each other and to your other children. As parents, it’s important to spend time together deciding what boundaries you are going to set as your baby gets older, and agreeing on your approach to parenting.

Unity between you as parents will enable you to support one another and help your child to grow up feeling secure.

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Half Time

2010-01-28T22:38:00.000-08:00

In the first half of life, there is barely enough time to beyond second base. We are hunter-gatherers, doing our best to provide for our families, to advance to our children. In addition, for most men, and certainly a growing number of women, the first half finds us in our warrior mode. We need to prove ourselves and others that we can accomplish something big, and the best way to do that is to become increasingly focused and intense.

The second half, when the pressure lets up, seems to be more the time when most people round second base and begin to do something about the faith they’ve developed.

The first half of life has to do with getting and gaining, learning and earning. Most do this in the most ordinary ways. Some chase the prize in a more spectacular, aggressive fashion. Either way, few leave time in the first half for listening to God.

The second half is more risky because it has to do with living beyond the immediate. It is about releasing the seed of creativity and energy that have been implanted within us, watering and cultivating it so that we may be abundantly fruitful. It involves investing our gifts in service to others – and receiving the personal joy that comes as a result of that spending. This is the kind of risk for which entrepreneurs earn excellent returns much of the time.

There is a risk in this decision: In tossing aside the security blanket that keeps you safe and warm in your cautiously controlled zone of comfort, you may have to set aside familiar markers and reference points. You may feel, at least at first that you are losing control of your life.

Realize that not everyone can afford to devote only 20 percent of his time to his career. But don’t let the fact that you have to work for living limit the grace God has in store for you during your second half. Don’t allow the second half of your life to be characterized by decline, boredom, and increasing ineffectiveness for the kingdom.

Listen carefully to that still, small voice, and then do some honest soul-searching. What’s in your box? Is it money? Career? Family? Freedom?

Remember, you can only have one thing in the box. Regardless of your position in life, once you have identified what’s in your box, you will be able to see the cluster of activities that put into play your “one thing” and keep you growing.

But be careful. Growth is not always easy.

Remember, the second half is only part of the game. We all have to play the whole game.

Thomas Merton wrote that all you really need is in your life already. He called it the “hidden wholeness.” What he meant was that you do not need to chase after things outside of you to find fulfilment. Even though that’s what most of us do in the first half, we eventually learn that money, fame, material possessions, and experiences will never fill us. What we become in the second half has already been invested during the first; it is not going to come from out of the blue.

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Are You Hungry for Love?

2010-01-22T18:41:00.000-08:00

If you are too hungry for love, it ends up putting people off. They will quickly come to the conclusion that, no matter what they do, they can never make you happy. If you ask too much, people will avoid you.

If you are someone who’s hungry for love, the affection you crave has the same effect as food does for a bulimic person, or drugs for an addict. It gives you a temporary lift, but it doesn’t satisfy you. You are prepared to do anything to feel loved. Of course, it’s natural to want to be loved. Everyone needs love, especially when things are going badly. Some people undoubtedly need it more than others, for example those who were deprived of affection – or, conversely, overindulged – in their childhood.

It is possible to avoid an unhealthy craving for love and affection by developing your own emotional intelligence, and improving your relationships with other people. If you suspect you are too hungry for love, you have to identify first of all, the ‘illness’, the form it takes. Then, you need to strengthen your immune system to limit any damage during ‘a crisis’.

So how badly affected are you?

Tally your responses, and then refer to the score panel and the assessments:

1. You constantly seek reassurance and approval from other people at work and in your private life.

2. You feel angry, ashamed or humiliated if someone criticizes you (even slightly).
3. You are incapable of choosing a new dress without someone to help you.

4. You desperately want people to admire your appearance.

5. You would burst into tears if you heard that your best friend’s dog had died.

6. You often overestimate your abilities or the value of your achievements.

7. You tend to agree too often with people, even when you think they are wrong.
8. At parties, you don’t feel happy unless you are the center of attention.

9. You think that only exceptional people can really understand your problems.
10. You would not feel capable of organizing a solo holiday trip.

11. Your emotional reactions are not predictable.

12. You would really like being one of the world’s top models.

13. If there’s a horrible job to be done at work or at home, you always volunteer to do it.
14. You often jump queues.

15. You fish for compliments a lot.

16. You feel devastated when a close relationship is broken off.

17. You don’t take it well when a friend cancels on you even if it is not her fault.
18. You worry about the thought of someone leaving you.

19. You frequently feel jealous or envious of your friends’ lives.

20. You are easily hurt by criticism from your partner.

21. You often wear miniskirts and figure-hugging tops to the office.

If your score so far shows that you ARE hungry for love, you will fall into one of three categories: histrionics, egocentrics, and ‘orphans’, who are afraid of being abandoned.

THE HISTRIONIC
The term histrionic derives from the Latin histrio, meaning a comedian, boaster, or even a cheat. When you deprived of love, you tend to become hysterical. You burst into tears for nothing, or you fly into a rage. You always trust people too quickly and too soon. You will fall under the spell of anyone with a strong personality. You think that they can offer magic solutions to all your problems. As a result, all your relationships are generally stormy and insincere.

Your problem is first of all that you are over-emotional, you suffer from overwhelming feelings. You are obsessed with strong emotions and get carried away with them. You are soon bored by routine (no challenge) and tenderness (no passion). You make a drama out of every insignificant event.

Get a grip on your emotions. Good or bad, they are always excessive and this stops you from seeing people and events in a realistic light. You must learn moderation.

Play everything down. You won’t find love by behaving like a tease or an easy lay. Stop hugging every casual acquaintance as if he was the love of your life and don’t be tempted to wrap yourself all round a man just because he’s bought you lunch – even if it was delicious.

THE EGOCENTRIC
If you are an Egocentric, when you are let down in love, you become terribly narcissistic. You spend all your money on clothes, cosmetics and beauty treatments… and yet, despite all the care you take of your body and the time you put into your appearance, you are never satisfied with what you see in the mirror. When people are acutely narcissistic, the real problem is that they are being passive. They behave as if they were objects (sexual or otherwise), desirable goods, rather than people. That’s why other people’s opinions assume such importance.

Set yourself objectives and role-models that are realistic for you. Remember, it isn’t necessary in life to accomplish great things or achieve perfection.

Don’t try to read into things all the time. Don’t imagine love or desire where there isn’t any.

Stop trying to look at yourself from other people’s point of view. You have always tended to center everything on how people regard you.

THE ORPHAN
You are so hungry for love, it makes you submissive – you become a real doormat. You no longer have tastes, ideas, or preferences of your own. Clothes, work, home, holidays, you let other people decide on everything.

Sometimes it works out quite well, especially if your partner likes the same things as you do. Fine if he’s crazy about sailing and you adore anything to do with being out in the fresh air. Not so good, though, if he turns out to be mad about white-water rafting and your idea of heaven is an afternoon in a museum.

Stop volunteering for all the dirty work. Only in fairy tales are princes charming to Cinderellas. So bite your tongue before offering your services.

Learn to manage your time for yourself. People who are overdependent on others can never organize anything in advance because they are so afraid of either missing something better or upsetting someone by having to refuse a last-minute invitation.

Train yourself to do things on your own (even if you are in a relationship).

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die

2009-11-12T17:52:00.000-08:00

Based on a highly acclaimed public television series, this book takes the reader on a heartwarming and profound journey to find lasting happiness. John Izzo interviewed over 200 people, ages 60-106, each of whom was identified by friends and acquaintances as “the one person they knew who had found happiness and meaning.”

From town barbers to Holocaust survivors, from aboriginal chiefs to CEOs, these people had over 18,000 years of life experience between them. He asked them questions like, what brought you the greatest joy? What do you wish you had learned sooner? What ultimately mattered and what didn’t?

Here Izzo shares their stories – funny, moving, and thought-provoking – and the Five Secrets he learned from listening to them.

This simple book will make you laugh, bring you to tears, and inspire you to discover what matters long before you die.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

What Are You Optimistic About?

2009-10-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

The nightly news and conventional wisdom tells us that things are bad and getting worse. Yet despite dire predictions, scientists see many good things on the horizon. John Brockman, publisher of Edge (www.edge.org), the influential online salon, recently asked more than 150 high-powered scientific thinkers to answer a vital question for our frequently pessimistic times: “What are you optimistic about?”

Spanning a wide range of topics – from string theory to education, from population growth to medicine, and even from global warming to the end of world – What Are You Optimistic About? is an impressive array of what world-class minds (including Nobel Laureates, Pulitzer Prize winners, New York Times bestselling authors, and Harvard professors among others) have weighed in to offer carefully considered optimistic visions of tomorrow. Their provocative and controversial ideas may rouse skepticism, but they might possibly change our perceptions of humanity’s future.

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BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

Luck by Design

2009-04-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

Luck. Some have It, some don't. At least it appears that way. Richie Goldman has often been told that he's lucky. And so it seems.

Soon after he graduated from college, he invested, against all advice, in an unknown company with one store and a hand-lettered sign, but that investment--plus twenty-nine years hard work--enabled him to retire early and live what he calls a dream life.

Dumb luck? How about some luck! Goldman knows that luck is something you create for yourself, with hard work, determination, good timing, and trust in yourself and your inner voice.

Goldman highlights some of what the Baby Boomers have done and what they haven't done. Their actions and inaction's have created problems at home and across the globe--there are a lot of problems and a lot of work ahead. Can the problems be solved? Is planning a life insurmountable? Not once you read Luck by Design--and learn how to design luck into your life.

This book is all about helping you how to simply create your own luck, by design.

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Using Emotions as You Negotiate

2009-03-31T19:45:00.000-07:00

Using Emotions as You Negotiate
by Roger Fisher & Daniel Shapiro

Beyond Reason offers straightforward, powerful advice for dealing with emotions in even your toughest negotiations, whether with a difficult colleague or your angry spouse. You will discover five “core concerns” that lie at the heart of most emotional challenges.

The advice builds on previous work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, the group that brought you the groundbreaking Getting to Yes. World-renowned negotiator Roger Fisher teams with psychologist Daniel Shapiro, an expert on the emotional dimension of negotiation, to bring you this indispensable new classic.

Why You Need This Book
This book will help you discover how to use emotions to turn a disagreement, big or small, professional or personal, into an opportunity for mutual gain.

Emotions Can be Obstacles to Negotiations
None of us is spared the reality of emotions. What makes emotions so troubling?

They can divert attention from substantive matters. Strong emotions can overshadow your thinking, leaving you at risk of damaging your relationship.

Careful observers of your emotional reaction may learn how much you value proposals, issues, and your relationship with them. In an international or everyday negotiation, positive emotions can be essential.

Positive emotions can make it easier to meet substantive interests. With positive emotions, you are motivated to do more.

Positive emotions need not increase your risk of being exploited. Avoid inhibiting positive emotions; rather, check with your head and your gut before making decisions.

Address the Concern, Not the Emotion
Rather than trying to deal directly with scores of changing emotions affecting you and others, you can turn your attention to five core concerns: appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status, and role.

If you have time, you can also use them as a lens to understand which concern is unmet and to tailor your actions to address the unmet concern.

A negotiation that involves multiple parties and high stakes requires an advanced understanding of the five core concerns.

Express Appreciation
Appreciation is a core concern. You can appreciate by:

1. Understanding a person’s point of view.
2. Communicating your understanding through words or actions.

Build Affiliation
With enhanced affiliation, working together becomes easier and more productive.

Personal connections. By talking about personal matters, you can reduce the personal distance between you.

Acknowledge Status
With a little self-preparation, you can identify your areas of high social and particular status and work to improve or develop new ones so that you can approach your negotiations with a sense of confidence.

Since every person has multiple areas of high status, there is no need to compete with others over status. In turn, you can acknowledge the status of others without cost.

Choose a Fulfilling Role
You are free to expand the activities within your conventional role. Time and again, you also are free to choose temporary roles that empower you and foster joint work.

Reshaping your role can take effort. Over time, you can modify your role to your liking.

Soothe Yourself: Cool Down Your Emotional Temperature
Pause. During the break, relax. Think about how to move the negotiation forward.

Preparation improves the emotional climate of a negotiation. A well-prepared negotiator walks into a meeting with emotional confidence about the substantive and process issues, as well as with clarity about how to enlist each party’s positive emotions.

Establishing a routine structure of preparation. You want to prepare in terms of the process of the negotiation, the substantive issues, and the emotions of each party.

Learning from past negotiations. Experience is of little future value unless you learn from it. After a negotiation, review the interaction in terms of process, substance, and emotions.

Conclusion
We all have emotions all the time. Most negotiators treat emotions as an obstacle to clear, rational thought. As a result, we do not realize the opportunity afforded by positive emotions. Using the core concerns wisely will improve the quality of your relationships at work and at home. You can turn a negotiation from a stressful, worrisome interaction into a side-by-side dialogue where each of you listens, learns, and respects the other.

You improve your outcome.

And instead of inspiring resentment, the process inspires hope.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

Preventing Heart Disease with Optimal Nutrition

2009-03-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

The evidence is mounting that the real solution to heart disease is eliminating all refined, processed foods, limiting the sources of free radicals in our diet and lifestyle, and increasing the amounts of antioxidant nutrients we consume.

The B Complex. If you fail to consume optimal amounts of B complex vitamins, an artery-damaging amino acid known as homocysteine can form in your blood.

Vitamin B6. Vitamin B6 in particular has many mechanisms by which it prevents heart disease. B6 is necessary for normal collagen metabolism and for maintaining the integrity of the vascular wall.

Beta-Carotene. Beta-carotene is the orange-yellow pigment found in fruits and vegetables. It plays a very important role in the prevention of heart and artery disease. It is found in significant amounts in carrots, sweet potatoes, yellow and orange peppers, apricots, and leafy green vegetables.

Vitamin C. Vitamin C plays such a valuable role in preventing heart disease that Linus Pauling described heart disease as an early stage of scurvy. Only Vitamin C can completely prevent the oxidation of cholesterol from occurring.

Vitamin E. A recent study conducted by the World Health Organization concluded that inadequate vitamin E consumption is the single biggest risk factor for heart disease. Not only does Vitamin E keep cholesterol from sticking to artery walls, but it also lowers cholesterol levels as well.

Magnesium. Magnesium is the most important mineral for heart health. The heart uses calcium to contract and needs magnesium to relax.

Trace Minerals. Selenium and chromium are two trace minerals needed in small, regular amounts for heat disease prevention.

Nuts. There are many studies that show nuts are a valuable source of nutrients that help the body metabolize cholesterol effectively.

Fruits and Vegetables. Fresh produce, while a good source of vitamins and some minerals, may be most valuable as a source of group of nonvitamin antioxidant compounds known as bioflavonoids and polyphenols. These substances powerfully protect against cholesterol oxidation.

Spices. Foods such as capsicum (red or cayenne pepper), garlic, ginger, turmeric, and a wide variety of other species have been found to lower cholesterol, nourish the heart, thin the blood, and prevent cholesterol oxidation.

Sunlight. Some patients have seen dramatic lowering of cholesterol levels – as much as one hundred points – after only four days of sunlight treatment.
Avoid excess iron. High levels of iron in the body can promote free radicals that will in turn oxidize cholesterol.

Avoid excess Vitamin D. There is concern that excessive Vitamin D from fortified dairy and cereal products, combined with the widespread magnesium deficiency in America, may increase the rate at which plaque is laid down in arteries.

Xanthine Oxidase. This is an enzyme in cow’s milk that may cause significant damage to arteries. Commercial skim milk is free of xanthine oxidase.

Avoid sugar. Sugar raises cholesterol, triglycerides, and insulin, and increases the stickiness of platelets. High insulin levels make cholesterol more likely to stick to artery walls.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com

A Relaxing Mind and Body

2009-03-02T00:47:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, you need to ‘shut off.’ Not to have to think about working, shopping, ironing, bills, relationships, gardening, families, deadlines, children, parents, what’s right and what’s wrong. If you instinctively fell you’d like to do this – you’re right. Your mind and body is telling you that it wants a break, and if you’re being sensible, you’ll heed the request.

Your body is remarkable in the way as it keeps going, despite the fact you may not always feed it or rest it properly. It’s the same with your mind – it carries on regardless. But stress is cumulative.

When young, most of us can cope with much emotional and physical pressure. Other factors will influence how well we cope, of course, including how we see others around us coping, our diet, and the amount of exercise we take and so on. But often as we go through life, our ability to deal with stress lessens. We may not have dealt with earlier problems and challenges either, which means that new pressures are piled on top of the old ones, and so the pressures grow.

It’s clear that we all need a break from everyday life – both physically and emotionally. Imagine you’re like a volcano. At the bottom lie the unresolved problems you’ve battled with throughout your life – lack of self-esteem and confidence; regret over losing a loved one to someone else, problems in childhood, bitterness, perhaps, that seemingly less deserving people have had better luck in their life.

The middle layer may be the challenges you’re facing on a day-to-day basis – money concerns, unsatisfying relationships, ageing parents in failing health, housing problems or similar. You’ll see then that it doesn’t take too much to cause the small top layer of your ‘volcano’ to erupt, when something relatively minor happens – such as a dog getting under your feet or a partner or child asking you for some extra money.

If you don’t resolve the underlying issues these relatively unimportant things will cause you to flare up and erupt almost constantly. It’s essential therefore to give yourself a gift of time. Time to consider and resolve issues that may have held you back in the past and created unnecessary pressures in your life. It is possible to take time out of your normal routine. It may mean asking for help and take much organizing – ringing around, writing and networking, but you can do it.

As with so many things in life, however, balance is the key. It doesn’t matter how well you’re performing, how good you’re feeling, you must learn to recognize when enough is enough. Even healthy pressure can escalate into excessive pressure if it goes on for too long or added demands are placed upon you. When this happens you may well end up in an impossible struggle between what you think you can do and what is realistically possible.

If you’re thinking, ‘This isn’t me. I know when I’m doing too much,’ don’t get complacent. Most people push themselves too hard at some time or another whilst believing they’re still managing as well as they has always done.

For more self-improvement book summaries, please visit BestSummaries.com.

The New Dare to Discipline

2009-02-15T17:26:00.000-08:00

Methods and philosophies of discipline have been the subject of heated debate and disagreement throughout the past seventy years. Psychologists and pediatricians and university professors have all gotten into the act, telling parents how to raise their kids properly. Unfortunately, many of these “experts” have been in direct contradiction with one another, spreading more heat than light about a subject of great importance.

Perhaps that is why the pendulum has swung back and forth regularly between harsh, oppressive control and the unstructured permissiveness we saw in the mid-twentieth century. It is time we realized that both extremes leave the characteristic scars on the lives of young victims, and I would be hard pressed to say which is more damaging.

At the oppressive end of the continuum, a child suffers the humiliation of total domination. The atmosphere is icy and rigid, and he lives in constant fear. He is unable to make his own decisions, and his personality is squelched beneath the hobnailed boot of parental authority. Lasting characteristics of dependency; deep, abiding anger; an even psychosis can emerge from this persistent dominance.

Many of the writers offering their opinions on the subject of discipline in recent years have confused parents, stripping them of the ability to lead in their own homes. They have failed to acknowledge the desire of most youngsters to rule their own lives and prevail in the contest of wills that typically occurs between generations.

Much has been written about the dangers of harsh, oppressive, unloving discipline; these warnings are valid and should be heeded. Many well-meaning specialists have waved he banner of tolerance, but offered no solution for defiance. They have stressed the importance of parental understanding of the child. But we need to teach children that they have a few things to learn about their parents too!

The term “discipline” is not limited to the context of confrontation. Children also need to be taught self-discipline and responsible behavior. They need assistance in learning how to handle the challenges and obligations of living. They must learn the art of self-control. They should be equipped with the personal strength needed to meet the demands imposed on them by their school, peer group, and later adult responsibilities.

When properly applied, loving discipline works! It stimulates tender affection, made possible by mutual respect between a parent and a child. It bridges the gap which otherwise separates family members who should love and trust each other. It permits teachers to do the kind of job in classrooms for which they are commissioned. It encourages a child to respect other people and live as a responsible, constructive citizen.

As might be expected, there is a price tag on these benefits: they require courage, consistency, conviction, diligence, and enthusiastic effort. In short, one must dare to discipline in an environment of unmitigated love.

The most effective parents are those who have the skill to get behind the eyes of their child, seeing what he sees, thinking what he thinks, feeling what he feels. The art of good parenthood revolves around the interpretation of meaning behind behaviour. If parents intuitively know their child, they will be able to watch and discern what is going on in his little head. The child will tell them what he is thinking if they learn to listen carefully. Unless they can master this ability, however, they will continually fumble in the dark in search of a proper response.

The most vital objective of disciplining a child is to gain and maintain his respect. If the parents fail in this task, life becomes uncomfortable indeed.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

Power of the Plus Factor

2009-02-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

The Big Idea
You have the power to achieve all that you wish to do in your life – and much more.

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, one of the most popular and inspirational writers of all time, explains how you can tap this inexhaustible reserve of energy within you. The key is the Plus Factor, which when activated will give you the motivation to do what you want to do and to achieve health, confidence, and security.

You'll discover that you can do things you once thought were impossible and ultimately experience the fantastic joy of living a healthy, happy life to the fullest.

Find out today how the plus factor can change your life!

Why You Need This Book
This book will offer you a better understanding of this inner potential and make it begin to operate in your life and your loved ones.

You will learn how the Plus Factor can add vitality and excitement to every area of your life through:

Unlocking your potential through creative dreaming

Setting positive goals that will enrich your inner self

Overcoming setbacks by persistence and perseverance in obtaining your goals

The Challenge of the Plus Factor
What if there is a power within you that can revolutionize your life?

The Plus Factor.

It’s the quality of extra-ness that you see in certain people.
People who live with more eagerness, more energy, more enthusiasm than others.

Who set higher goals and achieve them more often.

Who shrug off misfortune and give out warmth and caring and encouragement wherever they go.

But there is one thing you must realize about the Plus Factor. Its power is potential, but it is not self-activating. If you want this wonderful stream of power to be activated in you, there are four preliminary things you should do.

First, make the key discovery that the Plus Factor is no myth, no abstraction, but a reality that has been recognized and used by wise men and women for centuries.

You must want it intensely, urgently, ardently. Lastly, you decide to face the fact that this marvelous potential built into you is not being fully realized.

Creative Dreaming
The first step to be taken in order to start the Plus Factor operating is to learn to be a creative dreamer. In some uncanny way that no one fully understands, dreams seem to contain the seeds of their own fulfillment.

If you dream something long enough and hard enough, a door seems to open and through that door come mighty forces that will guide and support you in your efforts to make the dream come true.

Creative dreaming, in other words, activates the release of power that we call the Plus Factor.

Hard-nosed, practical people sometimes scoff at such a notion. To them the term dreamer implies vagueness and impracticality.

A dream vividly imagined. A goal tenaciously pursued. An unshakable determination to work and work and keep on working.

These are all keys that open the door to the power that we call the Plus Factor.

Dreams are not just idle nothings. They are the parents of possibilities. And possibilities are the descendants of dreams.

Dream big, dream long, dream strong.

And remember, sometimes, the Plus Factor is only a dream away.

Setting Goals
Let’s assume you have begun to liberate the Plus Factor in your nature by the process of creative dreaming.

You have to build a viaduct over which they can pass from the world of dreams to the world of reality.

In other words, you have to learn to set goals.

Here are suggestions that will help you:

Sharpen your thinking about goal setting.
Obviously, goals range all the way from very broad life goals to small specific goals. Learn to distinguish between long-term and short-term goals. The objective is worth the price.

Learn to distinguish between a goal and a wish.
The fairy tales we all loved as children are full of spells that bring instant happiness and charms that make dreams come true; but they are fantasy, not reality. The reason such stories have had such appeal through the ages is that they promise glowing rewards without effort. Life isn’t like that.

Prepare for ultimate goals by achieving interim goals.
The principle involved here is completely logical and completely sound: The training and experience you acquire in attaining a lesser goal leaves you ready to pursue a greater one.

Choose goals that will benefit others as well as yourself.
A goal that involves concern for other people seems to liberate the Plus Factor much more readily than one that doesn’t. It’s not enough for a person entering medical school to want to be rich and successful; his or her basic goal should be the desire to help people. You’ll find it helps to have the concept of service embedded in the goal.

Persisting with the Plus Factor
No matter how long it takes, persist. No matter how discouraged you may get, persevere.

Why are persistence and perseverance of such enormous importance? Because so little consequence is achieved without them.

We’ve all heard the story of the rusty old pickaxe stuck in the rocky wall of an unproductive mine, left there by a miner who had given up in disgust and walked away from it. Years later, another miner idly swung his pick against the same wall and broke through into the fabulous Comstock lode.

Untold wealth could have been discovered by the first miner if only he had persisted a little longer.

Handling Trouble
It’s learning how to live, isn’t it? Life is a priceless gift, but it doesn’t last forever. While we have it, our happiness depends on just one thing: how well we learn to cope with the challenges it presents.

There are common-sense attitudes that can be found helpful in dealing with trouble in such a way that the law of challenge and response becomes operative and the power of the Plus Factor comes through.

Face up to the problem.
There’s always the temptation to shy away from it, to play the ostrich, to bury your head in the sand, and hope the problem will go away. Look the problem in the eye.

Analyze it. Dissect it.

Very often people find themselves in trouble because the trouble is really in them. They may be in trouble, but before they can deal with it they have to recognize and deal with trouble in themselves.

Having faced up to the problem and examined yourself, take some kind of action.
Action is a restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow.

But any action is better than no action at all. So don’t wait for trouble to intimidate or paralyze you.

Don’t be unwilling to ask for help.
Some people act as if trouble were a disgrace, something to be concealed at all costs. Even a sympathetic friend can help just by listening or offering a word of encouragement. Sharing trouble eases the strain and often helps perspective.

Don’t fall in love with your trouble.
Troubles come. William James, the great psychologist, once said that the essence of genius lies in knowing what to overlook. Why not apply that to your troubles? Overlook the small ones, and when the big ones are ready to move on, open wide the door and let them go.

What the Plus Factor is trying to teach us is this: Trouble can be unpleasant and painful and damaging, but it can also be the flint that strikes sparks out of the steel in your soul.

The Plus Factor of Good Health

Rules for Good Health and Positive Living

Have interesting work to do. Keep active at something worthwhile.

Eat simply. Keep your food intake under control.

Give top priority to walking every day. Swimming is also helpful.

Never let a sense of guilt fester in you.

Develop spirit and soul health.

Cultivate the ‘peace that passes understanding.’

Expect and image good health.

Through spiritual cultivation keep your Plus Factor robust.

Turn Setbacks into Comebacks
Everyone has setbacks. This is a normal fact of life. If you allow it to be so, it can take the life out of you.

Then draw on that big something within called the Plus Factor. You will be strong enough to turn that setback into a comeback.

Often a so-called setback is actually a blessing in disguise. Many times setbacks not only lead to comebacks but to even better circumstances than before.

By a strong positive attitude and intelligent effort he was able to turn the majority of his setbacks into comebacks. And he says he learned something from each experience.

One thing he learned was to look intently into a setback situation for what know-how it might contain, for usually there are some direction signs to that comeback down the road.

Using the principles listed here will help you turn your setbacks into comebacks:

Always believe that with you can ultimately turn any setback into a comeback.

Your Plus Factor is still unimpaired.

Remember, in that setback may be the answer to your comeback.

Never be afraid. Pray big, believe big, think big.

Always be helpful to others and you will have friends who will help you turn setbacks into comebacks.

Remember always that you can turn setbacks into comebacks with your Plus Factor.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

How We Lead Matters

2009-02-04T13:02:00.000-08:00

How We Lead Matters
Reflections on a Life of Leadership by Marilyn Carlson Nelson

The Big Idea
Marilyn Carlson Nelson has achieved global recognition for the Carlson brands of hotels, restaurants, travel, and marketing services.

As a daughter, wife, mother, and grandmother, Marilyn has always put people first. Most compelling of all, she reveals how a meaningful legacy is built one day at a time.

Why You Need This Book
This thoughtful book offers a surprisingly personal glimpse into a multi-faceted woman who became one of the world’s most successful global CEOs.

Star Gazing
Those of us who are “called to business” as our life pursuit must learn how best to leverage our influence and work across sectors on complex problems for the common good. We must be what is called “integrative leaders.”

In an increasingly complex and interconnected world, business leaders must pause and contemplate the way businesses can best interact with the non-profit and public sectors.

Like magicians with their adroit movements, Klaus is a master at focusing all attention on the object at hand whether it be peace, social responsibility, economic vitality, or world health.

Secret Ingredient
In today’s pop business culture of motivational phrases and self-improvement books on successful management, there is no shortage of slogans about the value of teamwork:

“There’s no ‘I’ in teamwork.”

“TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More.”

The fact is, they all convey what we know instinctively: TEAMS ARE POWERFUL.

Through our own experience and supporting research, we are convinced that complex problems benefit greatly from the creativity that comes from diverse thought, backgrounds, and styles.

The researchers studied “successful” teams and the true “breakthrough” teams to try to determine the differentiators between the two. In the end, they concluded that the greatest determinant of a breakthrough team is that they members of the team care as much about each other’s success as they do about their own success.

It’s well worth the investment to institutionalize a method for hiring people that’s based not only on the capacity to do the job but also on the capacity to care.

The Greeks, who had a wise saying for everything, said, “A people are known by the heroes they crown.”

There are some of us, though, who do see the quiet but significant contributions they make to society and mentally crown them heroes, adding their vocal and, when appropriate, financial support.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

Forgiveness: The Tool for Repairing Any Relationship

2009-01-03T14:36:00.000-08:00

One of the most common misconceptions about forgiveness is that it necessarily means forgetting. How many times have we heard someone say, “Forgive and forget!” This is next to impossible – barring serious brain injury, of course. We are not wired to completely forget painful events in our past.

Some people might think this kind of memory is God’s cruel joke, just to torment us for our sins. On the contrary, it is a blessing that allows us to remember and learn from past experiences that were hurtful.

We don’t believe it is possible to totally forget a hurt, but we also don’t believe it’s always a good thin to do so anyway. When we try to stuff away our hurts, we are only prolonging the inevitable. When we do that, we are simply waiting for the explosion to occur. Like a volcano, the intense pressure from past hurts builds up inside us, looking for release until it finally erupts. And when it does, it is extremely damaging to family and friends.

William Meninger once wrote these words about forgiveness: “Forgiveness, then, is not forgetting. It is not condoning or absolving. Neither is it pretending nor something done for the sake of the offender. It is not a thing we just do by a brutal fact of the will. It does not entail a loss of identity, of specialness, or of face. It does not release the offenders from obligations they may or may not recognize. An understanding of these things will go a long way towards helping people enter into the forgiveness process.”

Forgiveness is not a onetime event but a process. Unfortunately, many Christian men don’t understand this. If you’ve done something extremely hurtful to your wife and seeking her forgiveness, then you can’t expect the healing to take place immediately. Your loved one may not get over the hurt right away. It may take time.

In fact, and this can be painful to consider – depending on the severity of the hurt, your loved one may never fully recover from the pain. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you will suffer day after day for your wrongdoing or the wrongs done to you, but it does mean that the pain may show up from time to time, even years after the offense, usually when some events sparks the memory. The pain isn’t as severe as when it first happened, but it still hurts.

We think this is one way God helps us to keep humble, it’s hard to be overconfident about our emotional or spiritual maturity when we remember how things used to be. We somehow believe that once we say those magic words, “I forgive you,” all pain and hurt just disappear. But it doesn’t always work that way. Often we must go through a process before we can completely heal from the hurt and forgive our loved one for the hurt he or she caused.

By humbly seeking forgiveness and acknowledging every aspect of wrongdoing on your part, you are taking care of your own responsibilities. God does not hold us responsible for our spouse’s sin, only our own.

Men's Relational Toolbox is a manual for building relationships, mostly relationships with women – girlfriends, wives, mothers, daughters, coworkers, bosses, committee members. This will provide you with tool tips for making your relationships effective and successful. For more book summaries, please visit http://www.bestsum.com.

Halftime

2008-12-19T11:11:00.000-08:00

Halftime
Changing Your Game Plan
from Success to Significance
By Bob Buford

The Big Idea
Bob Buford believes the second half of your life can be better than the first. In Halftime, Bob focuses on this important time of transition – the time when, as he says, a person pauses to consider what will make his or her remaining years rich and meaningful.

To help people at midlife to embark on their “personal renaissance,” Buford lifts up the important questions we need to ask, such as: What am I really good at? If my life were absolutely perfect, what would it look like?

Buford fills Halftime with a blend of personal insight, true-life examples, and hit-the-nail-on-the-head quotes from men who have successfully navigated the exhilarating and potentially dangerous shoals of midlife.

Why You Need This Book
This book provides the encouragement and insight to propel your life on a new course away from mere success to true significance – and the best years of your life.

Midlife. Halftime. It doesn’t need to be a time of crisis; it can be a catalyst.

LISTENING TO THE GENTLE WHISPER
In the first half of life, there is barely enough time to progress beyond second base, or even think about doing so. We are hunter-gatherers, doing our best to provide for our families, to advance to our children. In addition, for most men, and certainly a growing number of women, the first half finds us in our warrior mode. The second half, when the pressure lets up, seems to be more the time when most people round second base and begin to do something more than what they’ve done so far.

The first half of life has to do with getting and gaining, learning and earning. Some chase the prize in a more spectacular, aggressive fashion. It is about releasing the seed of creativity and energy that have been implanted within us, watering and cultivating it so that we may be abundantly fruitful. It involves investing our gifts in service to others – and receiving the personal joy that comes as a result of that spending. This is the kind of risk for which entrepreneurs earn excellent returns much of the time.

There is a risk in this decision: In tossing aside the security blanket that keeps you safe and warm in your cautiously controlled zone of comfort, you may have to set aside familiar markers and reference points. You may feel, at least at first, that you are losing control of your life.

LOCATING THE MAINSPRING
Realize that not everyone can afford to devote only 20 percent of his time to his career. But don’t allow the second half of your life to be characterized by decline, boredom, and increasing ineffectiveness.

Listen carefully to that still, small voice, and then do some honest soul-searching. What’s in your box? Is it money? Career? Family? Freedom?

Remember, you can only have one thing in the box. Regardless of your position in life, once you have identified what’s in your box, you will be able to see the cluster of activities that put into play your “one thing” and keep you growing.

But be careful. Growth is not always easy.

TAKING STOCK
Halftime cannot be a noisy place.

The first half is noisy, busy, almost frenetic. It’s just that you never seem to have time to do it.

If you are hearing a voice speak softly to you, it is time to head for the locker room, catch your breath, and get ready for the second half – a better second half than the first.

Many times, a good second half depends on what is done during halftime.
Here are some general concepts that can help you prepare to go back out into the field:

Make peace. Regret haunts you in ways that will sap your strength and inspiration to go on to better things. Take time. The biggest mistake most of us make in the first half is not taking enough time on the things that are really important, so when you enter your halftime you need to make sure you don’t repeat that mistake.

Be deliberate. Set an agenda that will help you “walk” through the important issues.

Share the journey. If your marriage is truly a partnership, it would be wrong for you to impose a whole new lifestyle onto your spouse without consulting her.

Be honest. Your second-half self is your genuine self, so be honest enough to discover it.

FROM SUCCESS TO SIGNIFICANCE
One of the most common characteristics of a person who is nearing the end of the first half is that unquenchable desire to move from success to significance.

Psychologist Donald Joy once observed that soon after a man turns forty, he is likely to tackle a huge undertaking – something that appears to be slightly out of his reach.

As we move closer to the halftime of our lives, we realize that we can only buy, sell, manage, and attain so much. We also begin to understand that we will only live so long. When all is said and done, our success will be pretty empty unless it has included a corresponding degree of significance.

Significance need not be a 180-degree course change. Instead, do some retrofitting so that you can apply your gifts in ways that allow you to spend more time on things related to what’s in your box.

OVERLAPPING CURVES
Life seems more comfortable in known, familiar territory, even when we are fairly certain something better awaits us out there.

Many people don’t make it through this zone, which is characterized by the pain of loss of former certainties and by confusion about what comes next. The future seems to be somewhat fuzzy and vague, and doesn’t compete well with the comfort and certainty of our present situation.

The normal pattern for most people is a single curve that rises as we approach middle age, and then sharply falls off toward retirement. What author and philosopher Charles Handy recommends is to start a new curve, preferably while the first one is still rising, but certainly before it begins to fall.

It is important to learn how to enjoy and benefit from the success you worked so hard to attain without becoming addicted to it, without going past the inflection point in the curve when it turns sour. Handy’s Sigmoid curve shows us that everything, even the best things, go pathological beyond that inflection point.
And it is the realization that they could become stuck forever – “in a rut,” as some say – that helps motivate some people to escape the first half.

REGAINING CONTROL
It is one thing to talk about regaining control, and quite another to really do it. Old habits, even tempered with a brand-new outlook on life, die hard. Delegate at work, play, and home. Work smarter, not harder.

Do what you best; drop the rest. Go with your strengths.

Set limits. Reallocate time to your mission, to your core issues.

Protect your personal time by putting it on your calendar. Leave time for absolute silence, for deliberately looking at your life to see that it is in balance.

Work with people you like. Work with people who can add energy to life, not with those who take energy away.

Set timetables. If you do not put your second-half dreams on a timetable, they will quickly become unfulfilled wishes.

Downsize. Get rid of the things that stand between you and regaining control of your life.

Play around a little. Play ought to be a big second-half activity, not so much in terms of time spent, but in importance.

Take the phone off the hook. Unless you’re a brain surgeon on twenty-four hour call, it’s not necessary to let people know where you are all the time.

If you are being controlled by too many time-and energy-consuming activities, you will continue to be frustrated by unfulfilled dreams and desires. Realize too, that you are in unfamiliar territory; and it may take some practice before you feel comfortable. Eventually, however, you will find a way to regain control of your own life.

LIFE MISSION
Developing a personal mission statement makes a lot of sense, especially for second-halfers. During the first half, you probably either did not have time to develop such a declaration of mission, or the mission statement you adopted really belonged to the company for which you worked. You will not get very far in your second half without knowing your life mission. Stephen R. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, suggests that in developing a personal mission statement, you should focus on what you wish to be and do, based on the values and principle that undergird all your beliefs and actions.

“Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power, “ writes Covey.

PLAYING FOR ALL YOU’RE WORTH
Please don’t let that hinder you from playing the game hard. Then, when their formulas don’t work, they get discouraged and resign themselves to the downward slope of their one curve.

Remember, the second half is only part of the game. We all have to play the whole game.

Thomas Merton wrote that all you really need is in your life already. He called it the “hidden wholeness.” Even though that’s what most of us do in the first half, we eventually learn that money, fame, material possessions, and experiences will never fill us.

BestSummaries is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn - in minutes - what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats.

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9 Things a Leader Must Do

2008-12-08T03:07:00.000-08:00

9 Things a Leader Must Do
Breaking Through to the Next Level

based on the book by Dr. Henry Cloud

The Big Idea
Are you accomplishing what you want as a leader?

Why do some leaders get and accomplish what they want, while others seem to regularly experience frustration and setbacks? Why do some leaders achieve their goals, while others barely hang in there?

Based on his groundbreaking psychological study of ways that successful individuals think and behave, Dr. Henry Cloud presents a simple yet profound roadmap to help leaders – and those who want to become leaders – to arrive at greater levels of personal growth and corporate influence that they thought were possible.

The good news for all of us is that leadership success is not limited to vague notions of “charisma” or traditional advantages like graduate degrees and connections. It is much more closely tied to a pattern of thinking and moving forward that learns from mistakes and stays focused on goals.

Why You Need This Book
This book will help you discover the secrets that will help you focus on the dynamics that make a difference in your organization – and your life.

Déjà Vu Leaders
A good number of us are in business or other arenas of leadership, but we have different backgrounds, different personalities, different economic circumstances, and different abilities. However, this set of people are the same in that they share this particular way of handling life and work. And that commonality is the déjà vu experience.

People who found what they were looking for in life seemed to do a certain set of things in common.

If you were not born with these patterns for leadership in place, you can learn them.
You can learn these patterns that work every time and lead to a better life.

1. Excavate Your Soul
For successful leaders, the invisible world is where the real life is. The same is true at all levels of leadership in the business world. Every blockbuster deal, every new rung on the corporate ladder, every project design, every company merger, and every successful sales campaign begins in the invisible soul of human beings. Leadership success is the process of digging up the treasures of the invisible soul in order to bring dreams, desires, and talents into the visible world.

In order to optimize his opportunities in business and life, the déjà vu leader:

Becomes aware of his dreams, desires, talents, and other treasures of the soul.

Listens to them and values them as life itself.

Takes steps to develop them, beginning in very small ways.

In order to get to the outside visible world, your desires and talents have to be mined, refined, and sculpted. Listen to what bugs you.

Don’t let negative feelings just sit there.

Don’t let long-term wishes and dreams go ignored. Listen to your symptoms. Pay attention to your fantasies. Face the fears and obstacles that have caused you to bury your inner treasures.

Don’t confuse envy with desire. You may be envious of someone else’s position or success because you have lost touch with your own dreams.

Do everything above in the context of your values and the community of people who are committed to guarding your heart. If you do not have such a community, find one and join it.

2. Yank the Diseased Tooth
There are major negative things that can afflict us, really bad stuff. Either fill the cavity or pull the tooth. Then new energy, resources, time, and space become available to you to focus on the things that have life in them. The negative energy drain is stopped, making room for the good stuff.

So, here is the sad result of not living like a déjà vu leader: You get the negative emotions of all your problems without the benefits of solving them. Avoidance is really not helping anything, because you still expend the energy and feel the hurt. Avoidance always prolongs the pain.

This violates an important value.

I wish this were not happening.

3. Play the Whole Movie
Déjà vu leaders evaluate almost everything they do in this way. They see every behavior and decision as links in a larger chain, steps in a direction that has a destination. In short, they rarely do anything without thinking of the ultimate consequences. They play the whole movie, so to speak.

Playing the whole movie can save your life by preventing bad things from happening, and it can build your life by enabling you to see the good things that can happen.

In addition to motivation, playing the whole movie provides successful leaders with another strategy common to all of them. They use it to live out the difficulties before they actually occur. In other words, they worry ahead of time, meaning they play the movie and then take active steps to make sure they are ready for unpleasant scenes when they arrive.

So plot a movie, a vision of your life, your career, your relationships, your finances, and so on. See it, plan it, and then evaluate each scene you write every day in light of where the movie is supposed to end.

4. Put Superman Out of a Job
Déjà vu leaders tend to call on themselves as the first source to correct difficult situations. Even if someone else is at fault, they take the initiative to address the problem and seek a solution. Whatever the answer may be, déjà vu leaders make a move.

If it takes money to make money (a common excuse), then go raise the money you need. Don’t just sit there wishing for a bigger budget.

If the economy is lousy, don’t wait for it to change. Gain a skill in a different field, look somewhere else, find another niche that is hot, enlarge your network or openness to other jobs, start your own service business, or something.

5. Embrace Your Inner Insect
The biggest enemy of the small-steps-big-results principle is our craving for having it all. If the ant picks up a grain of sand, the city will be built. But if the ant looks at the grain and says, “That is not a city! All-or-nothing thinking keeps people stuck in destructive ruts. All success is built and sustained just like a building is built, one brick at a time. But one brick seems too small and insignificant for all-or-nothing thinkers. Déjà vu leaders are different. They value the little increments, the tiny steps. Taking the long road, one tiny step at a time, will actually get you there faster because you will not lose time by trying shortcuts.

6. Earn a Black Belt in Hate
Choosing what you hate is serious business. What you do not hate well is going to find its way into your life. Here are some tips that déjà vu leaders would offer:

Make your values intentional. Deal with your subjective hatred. Find the sources of your subjective hatred and make them objective. Put names and faces to the origins of your problematic feelings and attitudes.

Mix hate with love and respect. A déjà vu leader shows up with what we call integrated character. In other words, when he brings his hate, he brings his love as well. His hate is integrated with his love and other values, such as respect for people, kindness, and forgiveness. That is how he can take a hard stand on a tough issue but remain loving and kind in the process.

Build your skills. One thing that déjà vu leaders always do well is resolve conflict, and that means being honest and assertive without losing control, getting manipulated, or freaking out.

In the process, you will preserve most of the good things in your life, eliminate most of the destructive things, and experience much more success in your work and in your life.

7. Forget About Playing Fair
People who succeed in leadership and life do not go around settling scores. They do not even keep score. It is the law of love, changing things for the better.

Déjà vu leaders have transcended the need for revenge. The other’s benefit is their utmost concern. Revenge is for immature people. Mature leaders know that ultimately the offending person is going to get what he deserves without anyone else bringing it about.

8. Quit Self-Exaggerating
Just as humility sells soap, it can also build success in all areas of your life and leadership. Be a déjà vu leader and learn the way of humility. Here are a few examples of the humble ways of déjà vu leaders:

Say you are sorry to your children, spouse, coworkers, customers, and other people in your life when you fail them.

Serve the people “under” you in whatever structures have placed you “over” them. In organizations where there are hierarchies, déjà vu leaders are as concerned with their relationship to the custodian as they are with their relationship to the CEO.

Root out any attitude of entitlement. Embrace a spirit of gratitude for everything you have or any good treatment you get.

When someone is hurt by you, listen. Embrace your imperfections and the imperfections of others. Use failure as a teacher and a friend.

9. Ignore the Popularity Polls
Successful leaders are sensitive to the reactions of others, but when weighing whether or not a given course is right, whether or not someone else is going to like it is not a factor that carries any weight. Concern, yes; but weight, no. déjà vu leaders decide to do what is right first and deal with the fallout second.

Déjà vu leaders go against the odds if the odds are against what is right. They are willing to be the odd one, risking loss of approval in order to do the right thing. Forget the popularity polls. Don’t try to avoid upsetting people; just make sure you are upsetting the right ones. If kind, loving, responsible and honest people are upset with you, then you had better look at the choices you are making. But if controlling, hot and cold, irresponsible, or manipulative people are upset with you, then take courage – it might be a sign that you are doing the right thing and becoming a déjà vu leader!

The principles are available to everyone. Do not see leadership success as a goal that you cannot attain or a prize only for special or lucky people. Success is never embodied in a person, but in the ways of wisdom that transcend any one individual. What déjà vu leaders do is find those ways and practice them.

Be encouraged to embark on a path of putting them into practice into your own life and becoming a déjà vu leader.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

Developing Mental Agility

2008-11-24T19:54:00.000-08:00

Whether you are presenting a product, giving a press conference, interviewing for a job, addressing an audience – you are persuading.

You need Mental Agility – the art of thinking fast, controlling a conversation, persuading those around you, and conditioning the mind to think faster under pressure.

As one of the most sought-after professional business speakers in the country, author Rob Jolles knows first had the need for mental speed.

He wrote a book that is full of useful tips and action points, plus thirty-five Mental Agility exercises to help you practice what you’ve learned and put Rob’s “path to persuasion” into your business plan.

If you would like to read our summary based on his book, please visit http://www.bestsum.com.

Are You Hungry For Love?

2008-11-22T11:53:00.000-08:00

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

2008-11-11T08:47:00.000-08:00

All of us do have an instinctive idea of our emotional quotient (EQ), even if we don’t know that’s what it’s called! Your strengths and weaknesses in these and other areas will add up to an individual “psychostyle” which is called your Emotional Quotient, or emotional intelligence.

Why You Need This Book

It introduces readers to the basic tenets of emotional intelligence and teaches them to look at themselves and other people with new eyes.

It needs to be evaluated in terms of our self-awareness and our relationships with others.

Discover Your Emotional Psychostyle

Here’s a quick overview of the four emotional psychostyles.

(Editor’s note: please refer to the book for the eight detailed tests which help determine emotional psychostyle.)

EXTROVERT-IMPULSIVE

You love new trends and technological advances (you adore surfing the Net); you’re not too concerned with moral values, you hunger for sensation, excitement, new experiences and success. Your motto in life is ‘Every man for himself’.

You crave social success – money is a great motivator for you – but you want to stay free and independent. Whether you work in a multinational, as part of a small team, or as a freelance individual, you prefer to remain detached. You do a good, professional job but you don’t really get involved in your work or work for the joy of it. You are hedonistic, you want to make the most of everything life has to offer, through your interests, your friends or other venues. Outdoor pursuits take up a lot of your time. As far as you’re concerned, home is strictly for sleeping in.

You live an active life: you take short holiday breaks all year round and enjoy trips abroad. You have a strong need for new pleasures and ever-changing experiences.

EXTROVERT-STABLE

You are generally opposed to change, and you have a somewhat withdrawn attitude to life. Traditional family values are important to you, and deep down you think a woman’s place is in the home. First and foremost, you look for a quiet life, well-organized if at all possible, and you hate having your routine disturbed.

You are cautious; you prefer safe bets to risks. You are highly organized both at work and in your leisure pursuits. You enjoy routine jobs and taking breaks with your family. You rarely travel long distances – it puts you in a bad mood. You have problems adapting to different ways of thinking, or changing your diet. Your traditions and principles are rock-solid and you tend to be quite single-minded. You reject everything ‘foreign’ quite systematically and at times aggressively.

INTROVERT-IMPULSIVE

You loathe all-out show and ostentation, and excessive displays of success and wealth. When it comes to fashion or food, your tastes are simple. Change and novelty are what you crave and you are insatiably curious. You dream of doing something adventurous and escaping to foreign parts (sunbathing in Bali or trekking along the Grand Canyon).

INTROVERT-STABLE

Your life is divided between your family and your career. You are very centered, almost a little too much so, on your family, their physical and emotional comfort, the children’s education and so on. You buy quality names. However, your desire to conform may also occasionally make you voice rather repressive moral views.

Everything – people, objects, ideas – must have been tried and tested before they can receive your seal of approval. You prefer traditional décor (with some modern fittings of course) and you enjoy home cooking. You enjoy a little sailing, the odd round of golf, browsing in museums and visiting places of interest. Apart from that, you like watching television, reading books (especially historical novels), doing a little practical DIY around the house and collecting antiques.

Your social life tends to revolve around the private clubs and associations you belong to.

Are You Hungry for Love?

If you are too hungry for love, it ends up putting people off. If you ask too much, people will avoid you.

If you are someone who’s hungry for love, the affection you crave has the same effect as food does for a bulimic person, or drugs for an addict. Of course, it’s natural to want to be loved. Everyone needs love, especially when things are going badly. Some people undoubtedly need it more than others, for example those who were deprived of affection – or, conversely, overindulged – in their childhood.

It is possible to avoid an unhealthy craving for love and affection by developing your own emotional intelligence, and improving your relationships with other people. If you suspect you are too hungry for love, you have to identify first of all, the ‘illness’, the form it takes. tally your responses, and then refer to the score panel and the assessments:

1. You constantly seek reassurance and approval from other people at work and in your private life.

2. You feel angry, ashamed or humiliated if someone criticizes you (even slightly).

3. You desperately want people to admire your appearance.

4. You would burst into tears if you heard that your best friend’s dog had died.

5. You often overestimate your abilities or the value of your achievements.

6. At parties, you don’t feel happy unless you are the center of attention.

7. You think that only exceptional people can really understand your problems.

8. You would not feel capable of organizing a solo holiday trip.

9. Your emotional reactions are not predictable.

10. If there’s a horrible job to be done at work or at home, you always volunteer to do it.

11. You often jump queues.

12. You fish for compliments a lot.

13. You feel devastated when a close relationship is broken off.

14. You don’t take it well when a friend cancels on you even if it is not her fault.

15. You frequently feel jealous or envious of your friends’ lives.

16. You are easily hurt by criticism from your partner.

17. You often wear miniskirts and figure-hugging tops to the office.

If your score so far shows that you ARE hungry for love, you will fall into one of three categories: histrionics, egocentrics, and ‘orphans’, who are afraid of being abandoned.

THE HISTRIONIC

The term histrionic derives from the Latin histrio, meaning a comedian, boaster, or even a cheat. When you deprived of love, you tend to become hysterical. You always trust people too quickly and too soon. You will fall under the spell of anyone with a strong personality. As a result, all your relationships are generally stormy and insincere.

Your problem is first of all that you are over-emotional, you suffer from overwhelming feelings. You are soon bored by routine (no challenge) and tenderness (no passion).

Get a grip on your emotions. Good or bad, they are always excessive and this stops you from seeing people and events in a realistic light. You must learn moderation.

Play everything down. You won’t find love by behaving like a tease or an easy lay. Stop hugging every casual acquaintance as if he was the love of your life and don’t be tempted to wrap yourself all round a man just because he’s bought you lunch – even if it was delicious.

THE EGOCENTRIC

If you are an Egocentric, when you are let down in love, you become terribly narcissistic. When people are acutely narcissistic, the real problem is that they are being passive. They behave as if they were objects (sexual or otherwise), desirable goods, rather than people. That’s why other people’s opinions assume such importance. Remember, it isn’t necessary in life to accomplish great things or achieve perfection.

Don’t try to read into things all the time. Don’t imagine love or desire where there isn’t any.

Stop trying to look at yourself from other people’s point of view. You have always tended to center everything on how people regard you.

THE ORPHAN

You no longer have tastes, ideas, or preferences of your own. Clothes, work, home, holidays, you let other people decide on everything.

Sometimes it works out quite well, especially if your partner likes the same things as you do. Not so good, though, if he turns out to be mad about white-water rafting and your idea of heaven is an afternoon in a museum.

Stop volunteering for all the dirty work. Only in fairy tales are princes charming to Cinderellas. So bite your tongue before offering your services.

Learn to manage your time for yourself.

Train yourself to do things on your own (even if you are in a relationship).

Final Words

Understanding and developing your emotional intelligence – and learning to understand and view other people similarly as well – will be the key to success in both your professional and personal life.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

TRAIN YOUR MIND TO THINK AND ACT FASTER

2008-10-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

When selling, how tempted are we to rattle off a set of statistics or specs on our product rather than find out how our product can benefit our clients? When negotiating, how tempted are we to list our demands, name our price, or list our conditions before we find out what the other party wants to achieve and how he or she envisions the solution? Mental Agility not only helps people master these challenges quickly, it also helps them hone their new skills during live confrontation.

Whether you are presenting a product, giving a press conference, interviewing for a job, addressing an audience – you are persuading. You need Mental Agility – the art of thinking fast, controlling a conversation, persuading those around you, and conditioning the mind to think faster under pressure.

So now you have a better idea of what Mental Agility is, and why it is so important to master. The question now is, how do you do it? How do you speed up your ability to think quickly on your feet? Well, that’s easy: Think faster. This is where the journey truly begins.

As one of the most sought-after professional business speakers in the country, author Rob Jolles knows first had the need for mental speed. After 22 years of training thousands of sales people for clients such as Xerox, General Electric, Aetna, Goldman Sachs, and more – he has put together a “must read” guide for learning to think fast on your feet so you can sell your message, influence others, and captivate your audience, wherever you are.

In his frank, humorous style, Developing Mental Agility is just as much fun to read as listening to Rob talk. His easy “problem-process-practice” guide teaches you a system for walking into any situation cold and establishing a relationship, based on trust and confidence; for implementing Rob’s repeatable, predictable techniques for persuading your clients or audience; and then how to handle confrontational scenarios that might arise and turn them around.

This book is full of useful tips and action points, plus thirty-five Mental Agility exercises to help you practice what you’ve learned and put Rob’s “path to persuasion” into your business plan.

BestSummaries provides you with very useful summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books. With our book summaries, you shall be informed, guided, and transformed! Let loose your potential to live a happy, successful and satisfied life!

Learning How to Calm Your Mind

2008-09-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night with frantic thoughts about all you need to get done the next day? Are you ever unsure about where to start because you have so much to do and no time to get it done?

Everyone has these feelings from time to time, but you can learn to calm your mind. A calm mind is a more attentive and proactive mind, and in learning to remove anxious thoughts, you can learn to enjoy your life far more than you already do!

How to Achieve Peace Within

When you have a mind that will not stop, you usually are hard-pressed to find inner peace. The more your mind races, the more anxious and frustrated you may become, and this can lead to unproductive days, weeks, and even months. You don't have to continue to live this way. There are many ways to calm your overactive mind and you really can learn how to live a more calm and peaceful life.

If your mind starts running a million miles a minute and you're not sure which way to turn next, try to pause and repeat a positive affirmation. When you use the power of positive self-talk, you will program your mind to work in a new and different way.

When things seem as if they are getting out of hand, you can use an affirmation such as, "I trust my ability to relax. I am calm and peaceful." Although this may not be the case at the moment, if you repeat this constantly you will start to believe it. This will help you change your inner dialogue in those moments when you are tempted to succumb to the craziness surrounding you.

Positive affirmations are important because they give you permission to turn off the negative dialogue in your mind and replace it with positive thoughts. The negative dialogue feeds the feelings of turmoil, and when you replace them with peaceful affirmations, you change your life, one positive statement at a time.

If you have a hard time believing that this strategy will work for you, give it a try with an open heart and mind. It really does work! In no time at all, you'll feel more peaceful and reap the benefits in every area of your life.

Many of us feel like we cannot do anything about the crazy lives we lead and the inner discontent we feel. I can assure you that this is not true! When you use positive affirmations, you can reprogram your brain so that there is only room for positive thoughts. You will be surprised to find how quickly a positive affirmation such as, "I trust that there is a plan for my life, even if it has yet to be revealed to me" can work for you.

If you feel like your life has gotten off course and you don't think it's possible to lead a calm life, why not give a peaceful affirmation a chance? If you repeat affirmations often enough, you'll soon begin to believe them, and you'll turn a seemingly simple statement into reality.

BestSummaries provides you with very useful summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books. Visit http://www.bestsum.com.

How to Handle Difficult People

2008-07-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

In a perfect world, you only have to deal with people you like. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal environment and like it or not, you will be forced to communicate with difficult people or those who cause you undue conflict or stress.

Don’t be so fast in judging them because more often than not, they don’t even know they are not relating with you well. So how do you deal with them?

John Townsend, author of the book, “Handling Difficult People”, shares his insights on how to deal with problematic people and how to respond to them. Unfortunately, most people deal with difficult people in the wrong manner.

They deny the person’s actions or back off all together. Worse, some people end up feeling responsible for the other person’s actions or threaten to do something about the behavior but neglect to follow-up.

To improve your relationship with a difficult person, you should reclaim your personal happiness.

You should own your life. Why be dependent on other people to be happy? You should also learn to depend on the right people to end your dependency on the person who pushes your buttons.

Finally, you should face your fears and stop waiting for the other person to change.

As corny as it may sound, always remember that every person in your life has a purpose.

Through other people, you will be able to achieve personal growth and redemption. Instead of allowing a difficult person to change your life for the worse, try to change his or her life for the better.

If you see that the person is sorry for the pain he has caused, give the credit that is due and get on with your life.

To improve your relationship with a difficult person, you should reclaim your personal happiness. To access more self-improvement articles, please visit BestSummaries.

Are You Being Your Own Worst Enemy?

2008-07-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

If your heart’s in the right place and you do what you can to make your relationships work, why do you keep getting hurt? When you want so much to succeed, why are you often disappointed and why do your efforts often go nowhere? These and other such questions, and the issues that lie behind them, are central to some of the most crippling problems, whether personal or professional, faced by many people today – all the more because at the core they are self-inflicted.

Instead of working to further their own causes and achieve their dreams, many people sabotage their own lives and undercut their success. Moreover, they do these things to themselves unconsciously, failing to recognize that they are engaging in behaviors which undermine and defeat them. Furthermore, instead of making a good conscious effort to improve, they mistakenly think that other people, their past, or their circumstances are responsible for these troubles, and blame them for this. This of course means that they end up stuck in the same situation time and again.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Take a good look at yourself; if you’re faced with daunting situations of this sort that you just can’t seem to get out of, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you could be undermining yourself, too.

Alan Nelson’s book “My Own Worst Enemy” seeks to help such people find ways to realize what they are doing and stop ruining things for themselves. It explores the ‘whys’ behind nineteen of the most common “behavitudes” – behaviors that stem from wrong attitudes – and helps its readers evaluate their own lives to identify and change any self-defeating behaviors. With this book’s helpful insights, anyone can achieve his or her goals and live the successful life he or she longs for.

Book Summaries of Self-Help, Motivational and Inspirational Books

2008-07-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

In every facet of our lives, there is always this deep desire not just to live… but also to live well. Happiness and peace is always our greatest pursuit. Meaning is what we always desire to achieve.

Though they sound very plain and simple, why is it that these things appear to be the most difficult to pull off? We often see ourselves fail, get lonely, get bored, and always almost wanting to give up. We always get caught up in the crossroads of decisions and choices. And often times, we aren't so wise.

And now the questions start to surface. What are the rules in living? How is true happiness achieved? Where do I find peace? What does it really mean to live? [Books]

BestSummaries provides you with very useful summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can get the answers. With our book summaries, you shall be informed, guided, and transformed! Let loose your potential to live a happy, successful and satisfied life!